Things Mum and Dad say (and what they really mean)
MAGGIE: Humans make a lot of noises with their mouths. Most of them aren’t important. But some of them are VERY important, and we’ve worked out what they mean. We’re sharing this for any dogs who are new to living with humans.
BAILEY: It’s a public service.
“Do you want to go for a walk?”
BAILEY: This isn’t really a question. The answer is always yes. Dad knows the answer. He asks anyway, because he likes to see us spin in circles.
“Where’s your ball?”
MAGGIE: It means “the best thing in the world is about to happen.” Also, the ball is under the couch. It’s always under the couch.
“Gentle!”
MAGGIE: Said when I’m about to lick a child. It means “lick the child, but in a slightly calmer way.” I’m working on it.
“Settle down.”
BAILEY: Said during zoomies. Apparently this means “keep going, but go round the other way.” That’s how I’ve always taken it, anyway.
“Who wants cuddles?”
MAGGIE: Said by Mum at the end of the day. We both do. We always both do. We’re on the couch before she finishes the sentence.
“Not on the good cushion.”
BAILEY: I don’t know which cushion is the good cushion. I’ve tried all of them to find out.
“You’re such good dogs.”
MAGGIE: Our favourite one. We hear it a lot, because it’s true.
BAILEY: Mum and Dad say it every night. We don’t have a word for “you’re good humans,” so we say it the only way we know how.
MAGGIE: Licks.
BAILEY: And leaning. Lots of leaning.